The book of deuteronomy

Introduction

The book of deuteronomy is the fifth in the pentateuch – which are the five foundational volumes of Christianity, Islam and Judaism (the “abrahamic” religions). The book continues the story of the “exodus” and is placed after the book of numbers and before the book of joshua.

For more details about the complete journey and the events of moses et. al. (books 2, 3, 4 and 5 of the old testament), see “exodus? Get outta here!” (a page on this web site).

It’s believed that the book of deuteronomy was compiled between 800-550 BCE, however the earliest fragments of the work are found in the Dead Sea Scrolls, circa first or second century BCE.

The word “deuteronomy” derives from the Greek word “deuteronomion”, meaning “second law”. That sort of makes sense because the book contains very little that progresses a story, however it does contain a whole lot to present (and repeat) a large number of rules and laws.

As usual, the following narrative uses lower case for character and place names if there is no certainty (e.g. no credible evidence) for the existence of that entity.

So, on with the “exciting” conclusion to the story…

Chapter 1 – A catch-up for the latecomers. All but three of those who left Egypt are now dead.

The book starts “these be the words which moses spake unto all Israel on this side Jordan in the wilderness, in the plain over against the Red sea, between paran, and tophel, and laban, and hazeroth, and dizahab“.

The chapter starts a catch-up session recounting the highlights of the journey since they left Egypt. It’s pointed out that only three people (moses himself, caleb and joshua) are still alive from the beginning of the journey, so there were many (about 601,730 according to the second census in the book of numbers) who may not have had the full picture of events leading up to their present circumstance. Since Netflix was a way off, you do wonder how there could have been any doubt about the history of the current journey, as what else did people have to talk about in their tents at night (beside the joys of tribalism and genocide)?

Chapter 2 – More catch-up of the “exodus” journey.

More recounting of the journey…

tribe of esau in the mountains of Seir
wilderness of Moab, where apparently there were giants called ~~eminem~~ emims.
the tribe of ammon (whom the lord favored).
King sihon the amorite of heshbon. The lord hardened his heart to the point where the Israelites “utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain“. Yep, genocide.

Chapter 3 – More catch-up of the “exodus” journey.

More recounting of the journey…

og the king of bashan. Another genocide of all his people and the stealing of 60 cities and their contents. Apparently og’s bed was nine cubits in length (13.5 feet or 4.1 meters)!
the division of lands to the tribes of reuben, gad and (half of) manasseh.
moses admits that the lord was wroth with him and that succession would go to joshua.

Chapter 4 – Keep the rules, or else. god does some gloating. Just one god please. More summary.

The chapter starts with a stern warning: “ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the lord your god which I command you“. Along with matthew 5:17, this is the place to go if you meet a wishy-washy religious person who claims that the old testament doesn’t really count.

Then follows a bit of lordly gloating. First there’s a reminder about what happened to the followers of baalpeor (numbers, chapter 25). In case you’ve forgotten, they were all destroyed in another one of the lord’s genocides. Then there’s sales job in which the people are reminded about how good the lord’s statues and judgments are: “and what nation is there so great, that hath statutes and judgments so righteous as all this law“. Well, lots actually. For example, Egypt, Babylon and Sumer all had codified laws in place before the Israelites left Egypt.

For some reason, moses felt the need to impose more authority in the presentation, so he recounted how the lord appeared as a volcano god on mount horeb (location unknown) and handed down the ten commandments.

Then follows a reminder about how no one should make a graven image in the likeness of a person, a beast, a winged fowl, a creepy-crawly or a fish. Nor should anyone worship “the sun, and the moon, and the stars, even all the host of heaven“. This warning is necessary because “for the lord thy god is a consuming fire, even a jealous god” who can be provoked into anger. Can the omniscient creator of the universe be jealous and angry? Apparently so.

Then the counter position: “for the lord thy god is a merciful god; he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee“. Absolute nonsense. The previous books are filled with examples of the genocide of people who couldn’t all have been evil. Did the people killed in those genocides all have the opportunity to hear the “word” from a merciful god or were they killed on the grounds of tribalism before being given a chance, e.g the children?

What follows is the obvious appeal from the superstitious and ignorant iron-age writers of the book. They realized that the people had a wide range of gods and they were keen for them to relinquish those gods in favor of the one that they claimed constantly talked to moses. To do that, they laid it on thickly about how great the “true” god was, and how he had done great things, and how he had laid down instructions, and how he appeared as fire and a volcano, and how he was in heaven above, etc.

There’s then an abrupt change in direction of the text as moses reminds everyone about the three refuge cities this side of the Jordan river (bezer, ramoth and golan) where people accused of manslaughter could seek refuge.

The chapter concludes with a summary of the land that had been given to the Israelites.

Chapter 5 – The ten commandments, again. moses really wants you to believe it all.

This chapter is a bit of a bigger one because it is a restatement of the ten commandments that were handed out to the speaker (moses) on a mountain in the midst of fire:

No other gods.
No graven images.
Don’t take the name of the lord in vain.
Observe the sabbath.
Honor thy father and mother.
Don’t kill.
Adultery is a no-no.
Don’t steal.
Don’t lie.
Don’t covet thy neighbor’s wife, field, slaves, ox, ass, or his lawnmower, etc.

These are the laws that fundies can’t list in order and believe should only be applied to other people.

The chapter concludes with a long rambling appeal to just believe everything because moses says so based on a supposed god having “spoken” from a mountain made of fire. This couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that the superstitious and ignorant iron-age men who wrote this stuff had no understanding of how volcanoes worked, could it?

Chapter 6 – obey, or else. More gloating by god. Appreciate, or else.

The chapter starts with moses imploring his audience to fear, obey and love the lord and his rules, and that is to be done for all future generations: “and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” – in other words, develop obsessive behavior for the rest of time.

Strangely, there’s an instruction to write the words moses was saying “upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates“.

Following that is a bit of gloating on behalf of the lord as it’s pointed out that the people were led to cities that they didn’t build, full of belongings they didn’t purchase or make, wells they didn’t dig, and crops they didn’t plant. Yeah, that’s what happens after genocide.

The chapter concludes with yet another rambling retelling of the same message: the lord led them out of bondage, killed their enemies, gave them laws, showed them magic, and gave them land. It’s was really important for the people to be appreciative of all that because: “for the lord thy god is a jealous god among you, lest the anger of the lord thy god be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth“.

So basically: it’s a really good idea for you guys, and all your future generations to submit to everything this “loving” god is saying – or you’ll all be murdered.

Chapter 7 – Show no mercy Israelities (aka genocide). Don’t marry corpses. A few mistakes.

The chapter begins by clearing up something that may have been a question until now. It was made clear that the Israelites were to cast out the existing seven nations in Canaan (the hittites, girgashites, amorites, canaanites, perizzites, hivites and the jebusites), all of which were stated to be greater and mightier than the Israelites. There was a hope that “cast out” meant ushering to the city limits, but sadly no, because the lord makes it clear that “thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them“. So that would also include the babies, children, sick and elderly? Of course, says the loving and merciful god described in the previous chapter.

Text like that does make one wonder if the descendants of those “chosen” people have decided to take the works of fiction a little too literally?

Interestingly, the text then gives instruction that the Israelites were not to make marriages with any of the seven nations that they were ordered to destroy. How exactly do people make marriages with corpses?

The text them “explains” why all of this was happening: “for thou art an holy people” and “thy god hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the fact of the earth“. Makes you wonder if this stuff was written by people somehow involved with the people stated to be the “chosen” ones? And really, the omniscient creator of a visible universe 93 billion light years across, which is about 13.8 billion years old and contains two trillion galaxies has a set of people that he favors more than the others? Why?

Weirdly, the text states “The lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because ye were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people“. Really? The text’s own census numbers the Israelites as being about six times larger than the cities in Canaan into which they forced themselves.

Another problem arises with the text “Know therefore that the lord thy god, he is god, the faithful god, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations“. But 1,000 generations times 25 years (the average number of years in a generation) equals 25,000 years – which pushes things long after the 6,000 years this “experiment” is supposed to run before the lord (or associated relative) comes back for another word. So the text was not written by the same omniscient creator of the universe that wrote other parts of the text?

Still the text promises that anyone honoring the lord and his ordered ways and practices will be blessed with: people, fruit, corn, wine, oil and sheep. More problematically, the text promises that not a single male or female (or cattle) will be barren. On a related topic, it turns out that there are fertility clinics in Jerusalem today. Not sure why they are needed?

Taking it up a notch, the text promises to “take away from thee all sickness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which thou knowest, upon thee; but will lay them upon all them that hate thee“. Surely it’s a pretty straightforward exercise to statistically measure the rate of sickness of the descendants of the Israelites compared to those who now hate them?

Finally, the text states that the lord will gradually “put out those nations before thee by little and little” and then “shall destroy them with a mighty destruction“. So it’s not really much to do with the Israelites going into battle, is it? Do the enemies just pretend to fight when confronted with an Israelite holding up a sword? If the lord is destroying the enemies, what’s the point in pretending that battles got the job done?

In a hate-filled climax to the chapter, the lord states that the silver and gold of destroyed enemies cannot be taken home with the victors because it is an abomination to the lord.

Unfortunately this nonsense is all very black-and-white and tribal, and an obvious production of the superstitious and bigoted writers of the time – and nothing to do with the supernatural.

Chapter 8 – moses tries to convince that the promised land will be worth it, or else. god forgets that brass isn’t mined.

This is another pleading-type chapter in which moses continues his theme of reminding the people how much the lord did for them while forcing them to wander in the desert/wilderness for 40 years – during which time all but three of the original two-million people died and all their descendants were forced to live in tents.

On the plus side, apparently there was the gift of manna and water from a rock. Also on the plus side was that the promised land was one of plenty, including (but not limited to) wheat, barley, vines, fig trees, pomegranates, oil olive and honey.

Weirdly, the text then states that the promised land has hills out of which the people “mayest dig brass“. Brass is made by melting copper and zinc together in a furnace. Brass was discovered in about 500 BCE which is right on the later limit of when the book of deuteronomy is believed to have been written. It seems that the guys who invented the text for deuteronomy didn’t know where brass came from, however if you believe that the text is the word of the omniscient creator of the universe, then shouldn’t it state that brass is made, not mined?

And finally, again, be thankful and obedient all, else you’ll perish by your loving god.

Chapter 9 – The promised lands are yours, but they are guarded. You guys are really wicked.

It seems that the day had arrived for the Israelites to enter the promised land. Doing nothing to lift their confidence, it was explained to them that the cities they were about to enter were mighty and were “fenced up to heaven“. Another downer was that the people who lived in those cities were great and tall. The final bad news was that the lord believed that the Israelites had the right to possess the cities not because of their own righteousness but because of the wickedness of the nations they were to conquer.

Strangely, the text then recalls how the people were wicked while moses was up mount horeb receiving the ten commandments (e.g. the incident with the golden calf). Um, wasn’t that mount sinai, as described in the book of exodus?

Still, moses was on a roll and continued to remind everyone about how wicked they had been and how he had convinced the lord not to destroy everyone for their wickedness. Yes, we’ve been over the silliness of an omniscient being changing his mind after discussing things with mortals.

Chapter 10 – More history. god loves (to kill) strangers. More mistakes with numbers.

The chapter continues with the history lesson as it retells how moses received the (replacement) ten commandments and how they were placed into the ark made of wood. The text then recounts how aaron died at mosera (moseroth) and his son, eleazar took over the duties of high priest. It was shortly after this time that the lord chose the levites to carry the ark and to perform all duties associated with the tabernacle.

There’s then a call for the people to “circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no more stiffnecked”. Apparently this means that they should become completely devoted to the lord.

Incredulously, the text then states about the lord that “he doth execute the judgment of the fatherless and widow, and loveth the stranger“. Yeah, right. What about all the strangers caught up in the lord’s many acts of genocide?

The chapter ends with “thy fathers went down into Egypt with threescore and ten persons; and now the lord they god hath made thee as the stars of heaven for multitude“. That’s very interesting. So 70 people started off the population in Egypt that eventually become about two million people? Assuming that each couple produced four children, it would take 24 generations to get to two million people. That’s about 600 years – assuming no problems with inbreeding and everyone surviving to produce fertile offspring (while living as slaves).

The “stars of heaven” bit is more problematic to the story. On a clear, dark night, it is possible to see (with the naked eye) no more than 3,000 stars from a single location, and no more than about 9,000 stars from all locations on Earth. 3,000 is a woeful metaphor to describe the numbers mention in the census. 3,000 is clearly a much more reasonable number of people who might have exited from Egypt, however it doesn’t tally with the census results, nor with the amount of soldiers (about 1,000) that would have been therefore used to commit genocide in dozens and dozens of cities over the next 40 years – especially when facing armies like the midianites, who had 135,000 soldiers.

Chapter 11 – More history about murder. Honor god, or else. Record the rules on door posts and gates.

The history lesson continues in the chapter, and moses begins by reminding everyone how the lord managed to drown all the Egyptian soldiers and their horses in the Red Sea. Warming to his theme about murder, moses then recounts how the earth was made to swallow dathan and abiram (book of numbers, chapter 16). For some reason moses forgot to add korah to the story.

There’s then a long section about how the people would get good crops, cattle and rain in their new lands if they remember to honor the lord because of all he had done for them, e.g. making sure that their parents died in the wilderness during the previous 40 years. Conversely, if the people didn’t honor the lord, moses was certain that the lord’s wrath would be kindled against them – no rain, no fruit, that sort of thing.

Then follows a reminder to the people to remind their children about how good the lord has been, and strangely, again comes an instruction to write things down “upon the door posts of thine house, and upon they gates“. Not even fundies do that these days.

The lord really takes it up a notch because moses then promises the people that if they keep all the commandments then their enemies will be driven out and they shall possess everything: “from the wilderness and Lebanon, from the river, the river Euphrates, even unto the uttermost sea shall your coast be“. For some reason, the lord singles out mount Gerizim for blessings and mount Ebal for curses – perhaps as a clumsy metaphor based on opposites and outcomes?

Chapter 12 – More warnings to follow the rules, including genocide. Watch out for foreigners.

The same ol’ continues with the lord instructing the Israelites to “utterly destroy” any nations that worship gods other than the right one – which appeared to be all of them. Of course, the people were expected to follow all the rules of sacrifice, offerings and tithes, or else. They also had to do their sacrifices and offerings at a dedicated place chosen by the lord.

An instruction was then given that “even as the roebuck and the hart is eaten, so thou shalt eat them: the unclean and the clean shall eat of them alike“. Apparently the “unclean” guys were the Israelites who had done something wrong and should have been on the naughty step for a while.

And in case it wasn’t brutally obvious by now, the people were reminded not to follow the practices of the people they were removing from the soon-to-be-acquired lands. One reason given is that those people were supposedly inclined to sacrifice children in the name of their god(s). Interesting how that’s considered to be a big no-no, however when the Israelities kill all of the midianite children (thousands and thousands of them) in the name of their god, it’s okay?

Also of note is that there is debate about whether the people living in the area prior to the forced evictions did sacrifice children? Even though there is evidence of children used in ritual offerings, it is possible that they only used children who had already died of natural causes. It seems likely that the author(s) of the pentateuch were pulling a fast one when they tried to provide a justification for genocide.

The practice of trying to oust the competition today is handled via branding and marketing; then, it was accomplished by repetitious writing involving threats and punishment dished out by a deity.

Chapter 13 – Murder prophets who deal with another god. Murder everyone who serve another god.

This chapter starts with something that proves the text was written by superstitious and ignorant iron-age men. Apparently if any Israelite becomes a prophet and gives a dream interpretation, a sign, or a wonder that turns out to be true, and if that sign involves some other god, then that prophet “shall be put to death because he hath spoken to turn you away from the lord your god“. Wait a minute. So the real god believes that there are other gods who can send messages through humans to other humans? Pull the other one. But think about it: maybe if someone is channeling a deity who is sending correct messages, they should be heeded? Sounds a bit like plain old jealousy, doesn’t it? It also sounds like it was written by power-hungry control freaks anticipating dissent.

Then it gets personal because the text commands that someone, who is enticed to serve a different god by someone else, e.g. “thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend“, must not stay silent and must personally stone to death that person (although it is necessary to get all the people involved in the killing). And it’s not just a local god; it’s any god found “from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth“. That’s one of many places in the various texts that a flat earth is assumed (there is no “end of the earth” let alone the “other end of the earth”). Pretty sure that a personally-initiated stoning would get you put in jail (or worse) in any country today? But fundies, aren’t you supposed to follow the rules set out in your religious texts?

True to form, the lord then takes it up a notch by giving the command that if a city is found to be serving another god (e.g. a dude named belial), then all of the inhabitants of the city shall be killed (including the cattle), and the city itself be destroyed. So here is another example of ordered genocide by a “loving god”. Exactly what did a child or a cow living in a such a city do wrong to warrant being killed?

Chapter 14 – Thou shalt eat, some things only. Bats are birds. Rules for tithing.

It’s time for more “laws” because the Israelites were a “chosen thee” to the lord. Really? The omniscient creator of the universe waited 13.8 billion years to adopt a subset of his beloved creation on just one planet to be chosen? Why? How are the other 99.88% of the world’s population meant to react to that?

Anyhoo, apparently people shouldn’t “cut yourselves, nor make any baldness between your eyes” in a period of mourning. Why?

There’s then a restatement of the dietary laws. When you are wheeling your trolley around the local supermarket, you may grab any of the following: ox, sheep, goat, hart, roebuck, fallow deer, wild goat, pygarg, wild ox and chamois. When in doubt, aim for the ones with cloven hoofs that cheweth the cud.

When it comes to fish, it has to have fins and scales to be on the menu, and birds which are “clean” may be eaten. It’s not clear how to define a clean bird, but the following may not be cooked: eagle, ossifrage, ospray, glede, kite, vulture, raven, owl, night hawk, cuckow, hawk, little owl, great owl, swan, pelican, gier eagle, cormorant, stork, heron, lapwing and the bat.

Yes, yes, everyone except the lord knows that a bat isn’t a bird, however it’s never made clear why it’s okay to eat, say a duck, but not a swan? There’s also plenty of evidence that eating the animals on that list does no harm, e.g. the Australian Aborigines ate pelicans for tens of thousands of years with no ill effects. Oh, and “every creeping thing that flieth is unclean unto you: they shall not be eaten, but of all clean fowls ye may eat“. Not sure if that includes locusts (which were previously given the green light), nor why some insects are okay and say, a stork isn’t?

Next is more racism from the lord because the Israelites are instructed not to eat anything that died naturally, however they are permitted to give the carcass to a stranger at the gates or to sell it to an alien. Strangely, “thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk“, so remember that the next time you order a veal schnitzel.

It is important to tithe a proportion of animals and produce, however if you can’t bring all that to a designated place, then you are permitted to turn the produce into money and deliver that instead. Of course. It should be obvious that the lord can’t spend money, so the priests would have to find some way to dispose of it? Every three years, an extra tithing shall go to the poor levites, who you’ll remember weren’t able to inherit land.

Chapter 15 – Rules for money, which no one now follows. Rules for slavery. Rules for sacrifice.

Speaking of money: every 7 years, every creditor was to release the debt arranged with a neighbor, but not with a foreigner. For some reason, the Israelites were not to borrow money from other nations, however at the time of writing, the national debt of Israel to other countries was a little over US$150 billion, which places them 27th out of 195 countries in the world when taken per captia … just sayin’.

Also, the poor had to be taken care of in the Israelite society. At time of writing, about 2.7 million people in Israel live below the poverty line, which is about 29% of the population … just sayin’.

And, back to slavery: an Israelite slave (someone who “be sold unto thee“) was to be set free after seven years (with parting gifts of animals and wine), however a foreign slave could be kept forever. Should a slave not wish to leave their owner’s house, then the master should take an awl and push it through the ear of the slave to mark them forever.

Lastly, the chapter points out that blemish-free first-year male cattle had to be sacrificed to the lord and had to be eaten at a location chosen by the lord. And again, there’s an unusual instruction regarding the rules as they apply to both the clean and unclean person. As usual, any animal to be eaten had to be first drained of blood.

Chapter 16 – Rules for feasts, judges, planting trees, and hanging art.

The chapter circles back to discussing the rules for the various feasts on the calendar. These were covered extensively in the books of leviticus and numbers, so suffice to say that the feasts mentioned in the chapter are: passover, pentecost and tabernacles. Instructions are given that the feasts are to be shared with: “thy son, thy daughter, thy slaves, the levite, the stranger, the fatherless and the widow that are within thy gates“.

Strangely, there’s an instruction for judges and officers to make just judgments. Since this is lumped into a chapter discussing feasts, the natural question is whether they are making just judgments at non-feast times?

Unusually, there’s the instruction not to “plant thee a grove of any trees near unto the altar of the lord“. Why?

Finally there’s the strange: “neither shall thou set thee up any image which the lord thy god hateth“. And exactly how were the people to know which ones the lord hateth? Probably safe to avoid impressionism and cubism, and just stick to ultra realism (of the right subject matter).

Chapter 17 – Rules for sacrifice, worshiping another god, lying, and being a king.

More rules and regulations in this chapter, unfortunately.

If an animal is offered for sacrifice, it must be blemish free. This has been mentioned many times by now, but there is never an explanation for why it is important or for how to determine what counts as a blemish? I mean, we are happy to eat an animal with a blemish so why does the omniscient creator of the universe find it an abomination?

And again we get the instruction that if someone is caught (by at least two witnesses) worshiping another god then they have to be stoned to death.

Difficult cases shall be brought before the levites for judgment, and their verdict shall be final. If someone is found to have lied as a witness, then they shall receive the punishment intended for the accused.

Apparently it’s important to have a king and that king cannot be a foreigner. Interestingly, god himself was to be the final judge in who should be made a king. Exactly how was that to be accomplished? It looks suspiciously like the power to elect a king would come from the priests, e.g. by sauntering out of the tabernacle and saying “we’re just had a word with god and he’s selected Fred as the next king”. Yeah, right. This as much as anything shows that the books are actually devices of control over the population.

There were some restrictions on the king because he was not allowed to have multiple horses or wives, and “neither shall he greatly multiple to himself silver and gold“. To ensure the king eventually went nuts, he was obliged to write out the laws of the land and to read them all every day.

Chapter 18 – The levites get the good bits. Don’t deal with wizards. The lord will raise up a prophet, some time.

More repetition this chapter as it’s again pointed out that the levites are not to inherit land. Instead, they will be given produce, e.g. the shoulder, two cheeks and the maw (probably the stomach) of an ox or sheep. They were also to get the firstfruit of corn, wine, oil and fleece.

There’s then a huge no-no when it comes to adopting the practices of other nations, e.g. rituals of fire, or those of “an enchanter, or a witch, or a chamer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer“. What a minute: so the lord believes that there is such a thing as wizardry and magic? Still believe that the text is the word of the omniscient creator of the universe?

The lord then promises to raise up a prophet from amongst the Israelites, however if things that the prophet say do not come to pass, then that person will be a false prophet. What does that even mean? Why would someone raised by the lord start to say false things? Unsurprisingly, the text is silent on when that prophet shall be raised.

Chapter 19 – Rules for those accused of manslaughter.

Even though it was mentioned briefly in chapter 4 of this book and in great detail in chapter 35 of the book of numbers, this chapter feels the need to revisit the whole cities-devoted-to-those-accused-of-manslaughter issue.

This chapter only mentions three cities set aside for people accused of manslaughter, compared to the six cities previously mentioned, and that could be because these are the three “in the midst of thy land“. In summary, there must be at least two witnesses (preferably three to establish the matter) and if there is a false witness, then it’s off to the judges (priests) and then it’s do unto him as he wanted to do unto the accused. Basically, it’s “life shall go for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot” – which serves to reinforce the iron-age black-and-white brutality of the text.

Note the need for having entire refuge cities for the accused. Without those, there would obviously just be local retribution, right? Why? Surely an edict from the lord such as “thou shalt not kill someone accused of manslaughter until the priests have judged the case” would be binding and much simpler than allocating whole cities and extraordinary rules to the issue? Could it be that the average person (who is not heard from in these texts) didn’t believe a word of them, and the cities had to be established to protect just a privileged set?

It’s certainly strange that the text describes a system that is not used or needed anywhere in the world today. Why is it that something so elaborate as a six-city-system that is considered essential to the god who created the universe, is considered pointless and unnecessary by every society in the previous 2,000 (or so) years?

Chapter 20 – Rules for war, including genocide.

The chapter deals with some of the rules of war. Apparently when a battle is imminent, the priests would go out and give the army a pep talk. That’s probably in lieu of the priests doing any of the fighting.

Then there’s a list of exclusions. Any man who has just built a house, planted a vineyard or just been betrothed a wife was excused from battle. Strangely, also excluded was any man that was “fearful and fainthearted”. Surely that would be almost everyone before a battle? Following the pep talk, the priests were to appoint captains of the armies and then exit, stage left.

Regarding the cities being battled, if the inhabitants accepted defeat and were peaceful then they were to become servants (that’s “slaves” to reasonable readers), however if they resisted, then there were two cases to be considered. Firstly, if the conquered city was in a far-off land, then all males were to be killed and the women, little ones and the cattle were to become spoils of war. Secondly, if the city was within the promised lands, then all inhabitants were to be slaughtered.

Yep, more genocide as ordered by a god who the fundies insist is a loving and peaceful deity. A sample list of the people to be 100% slaughtered is given: Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and the Jebusites. Interestingly, god’s edict about the total slaughter of the Canaanites is called into question today due to DNA evidence which shows that there are descendants of those people. So it looks like the text is not quite the word of an all-knowing god.

Even though many (or all) of the people were to be killed, the text then states that the trees were to be left standing, except for the trees that didn’t give fruit that could be used in sacrificial offerings. Yep, of course the priests still had to be given their cut of the spoils of war (from the saved fruit and cattle).

Chapter 21 – How (not) to solve a murder. How to have sex with a female prisoner. Rules when you have two wives. When to murder your own son.

This chapter is one of the more horrific in all religious texts and causes great problems for fundies as they become forced to pick and choose which bits are the words of an omniscient creator of the universe.

It starts gently enough (sort of) with instruction about how to handle an unsolved murder. Apparently the elders and judges shall figure out the nearest city to the victim and after killing a pure heifer (that has never been made to do work), the elders of the nearby city “shall wash their hands over the heifer that is beheaded” all while affirming that they have not committed the murder nor seen who did. In this way they were to ensure mercy and forgiveness.

There’s a lot wrong with that. Someone actually did commit the murder, so the stated system basically lets that someone go free. What happens if the body was dumped at a different city to the one where the murder happened? How does washing their hands over a headless cow achieve anything? If it were one of the elders who performed the murder, then they are expected not to lie while washing their hands? You’d think that a lie wouldn’t be the hardest thing to do after committing a murder? Shouldn’t an omniscient god know who committed the murder and be able to convey that information to the priests and judges?

The chapter then descends into a bottomless horror.

If a woman who has been captured following a war is considered beautiful enough, she can be grabbed by a drooling Israelite, be stripped naked, have her head shaved and then be locked up in his house for a month. During that time she’s allowed to mourn for her father and mother (who have probably been murdered by her captor’s friends). Following the month, her captor is allowed to have sexual intercourse with her, however if she is not found to be suitable for purpose she is to be let go (but not sold).

Charming. Exactly what is the victim then supposed to do? If another drooling Israelite doesn’t come forth, how is she to survive? Fundies? Ever hear anything about this one mentioned by your religious leaders as they stand out the front and give you the good word?

Then there’s a revealing section that details what happens if a man has sons by two wives: the first wife hated and the second beloved. Apparently the first-born of the hated wife is to inherit a double share simply because he was first. Exactly why the order of birth should bestow additional rights is of course not explained; it just is. However the real talking point is the fact that there are two wives. The text doesn’t state that the first wife is dead, so the husband just got sick of his hated first wife and therefore was allowed to marry a second wife? How does that sit with the fundamentalists who don’t allow divorce?

The chapter then descends to further horror by giving the right to parents of a rebellious son (who is also stubborn, a glutton and a drunkard) to have that son brought to the elders of the city and … to be stoned to death. So a sober or non-gluttonous son can be as rebellious as he likes? There’s no mention of age limits on this law,

Finally, if a sinner has been put to death then his body should not be hung on a tree all night. Instead, he should be buried the same day of his execution. Good to know.

Chapter 22 – More miscellaneous rules, including: don’t mix wool and linen, proof of a wife’s virginity, and when to murder a raped female virgin.

More rules in this chapter; so many rules…

If you find something belonging to your brother (e.g. his ox or sheep), then it shall be returned to him or kept until he comes to get it. This probably means a wider group of people than just brothers, so why the text doesn’t say “belonging to someone else” is a mystery? Why this rule was needed when a commandment not to steal was in force, is also a mystery.
If a bird’s nest is found, then only take the eggs or young birds for food, not the mother bird.
When building a house, make sure that there is a battlement (fence) around the roof to prevent someone falling and shedding blood on the house. Note the reason given is to keep the house clean, not to protect a life.
Don’t plant mixed seeds in a vineyard.
Don’t plow with an ox and an ass together.
Don’t wear a garment that has been made with both wool and linen. Linen is made from the fibers of the flax plant.
“Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest thyself“. This strange rule was also mentioned in numbers 15:38-41. Apparently it’s some sort of reminder system because how else could you remember that you have to obey the omniscient creator of the universe?
If a man hates his wife because he claims she is not a virgin, then it’s up to the wife’s parents to produce proof of her virginity (via tokens, which presumably are bloody sheets they have somehow obtained from the wedding night). If they can produce the proof, then the man can pay 100 shekels of silver to rid himself of the woman (apparently because he hates her for another reason). If they can’t produce the proof, then the wife shall be stoned to death. 100 shekels of silver is approximately 40 ounces (1,140 grams) and would be worth about US $880 today. Wow, that’s disturbing on so many levels.
If a man has sex with a married woman (not his own), then both shall be put to death.
If a female virgin who is betrothed is raped in a city and she didn’t cry for help, then both her and the rapist will be stoned to death. What? What if she couldn’t cry out? The obnoxious text says that she was raped (“a man find her in the city“), so how can she be at fault? However if the deed (“and the man force her“) was performed in a field (i.e. away from help for the woman), then only the man shall be killed.
If a man has sex with a virgin who is not betrothed – and they be found, then the man has to marry the woman and give her father 50 shekels of silver (about US $440 today). Incidentally, there’s no indication of age given. Note that the woman has no say in any of it.
“A man shall not take his father’s wife, nor discover his father’s skirt“. What? His own mother?

The three rules to do with mixing things is sometimes taken as a metaphor, and therefore as a justification for implicit racism, e.g. people of different races shouldn’t mix. That seems unlikely based on other parts of the text not holding back when it comes to making racist pronouncements. No, it’s much more likely that the superstitious and ignorant writers of this nonsense really thought that wool and linen shouldn’t be combined to make garments. Incidentally, people who wear garments that are a blend of wool and linen have reported no long-term ill effects.

Does anyone else find this set of ridiculous rules to be largely irrelevant today? If this part of the text doesn’t really apply today, then what else in the various texts shouldn’t apply today? Think hard fundies.

Chapter 23 – Even more rules – which are useless for the modern reader.

It turns out that there were far too many rules to fit in the previous chapter, so…

Any man who has injured testicles or who has had his penis cut off is not permitted to enter the congregation of the lord. Why? So someone who has been a devout supporter for decades and just so happens to get kicked in the testicles by a horse, resulting in permanent injury is no longer able to be a devout part of the congregation? Once again, why?
A person born out of wedlock (a bastard) can’t enter the congregation – unto the 10th generation. Wow. If a generation is about 25 years, then descendants of the poor unfortunate – who had no say in what his parents did out of wedlock – have to wait about 250 years before they can get back into the congregation? Out of interest, do you know for certain if your great great grandfather was born out of wedlock? And that’s only four generations back. So how was “unto the 10th generation” tracked 2,500 years ago?
“An Ammonite or Moabite shall not enter into the congregation … even to their tenth generation“. So it turns out that the lord is not quite as all forgiving as is often stated these days. It also turns out that he is a racist. And the hatred towards all of the Ammonites and Moabites was simply because some of those people hired balaam to curse the Israelites (see the book of numbers, chapters 22 to 24). In case the message wasn’t clear enough, the lord then tacks on “Thou shalt not seek their peace nor their prosperity all thy days for ever“.
When it comes to the hatred of foreigners, there was some wiggle room because the lord then instructs the people not to abhor Edomites or Egyptians. Apparently “the children that are begotten of them shall enter into the congregation … in their third generation“. See you in about 75 years.
If someone is unclean (undefined of course) then they need to wash with water before coming back into the camp later that night.
There needs to be a place outside the camp where someone can use a “paddle upon thy weapon” to dig and cover the matter that results from defecation. Apparently this is needed because the lord regularly “walketh in the midst of thy camp“. Yeah, right; that’s the real reason why people shouldn’t leave their poop lying around the camp.
If someone else’s servant (aka slave) escapes and wants to be your servant (aka slave) then you have to allow that. If they are not slaves, then how are you supposed to afford more and more servants if they decide your place is nicer than their previous master’s place?
There are not to be female (“whores”) or male (“dogs”) Israelite prostitutes. A quick Google search reveals that there are Israelis prostitutes working today in the promised land. Just sayin’.
It is forbidden to charge interest on loans to fellow Israelites. A quick Google search reveals that the current official interest rate in Israel is 4.50%. Just sayin’. It is okay to charge interest on loans to “a stranger”. It would seem that the natural consequence of those two rules is that, in practice, it would be pretty hard for an Israelite to get a loan from an Israelite.
Whatever is vowed or promised shall be honored.
You may eat grapes whilst in your neighbor’s vineyard but you may not collect grapes to takeaway with you.
You may pluck corn whilst in your neighbor’s property but you may not use a sickle to harvest your neighbor’s corn.

Another set of rules utterly useless for the modern reader.

Chapter 24 – Even more rules, including: instant divorce, and the slavery of foreigners

More rules incoming…

A married man is entitled to write a “bill of divorcement” to offload his wife should he find no favor in her, e.g. because “he hath found some uncleanness in her“. Of course “no favor” and “uncleaness” are not defined and the wife’s opinion in all this is unimportant. She is then entitled to be another man’s wife, however if she’s kicked out of that marriage (or if the second husband was to die), then the first husband may not take her back. Apparently that would be an abomination to the lord because it would be making the “land to sin“. Why?
A newlywed man shall not go to war (or be charged with any business) for one year; instead, he should stay at home to “cheer up his wife“. It doesn’t say if this is a voluntary arrangement
A millstone cannot be used as a pledge for a loan because it is the livelihood of the man in debt.
An Israelite cannot steal another Israelite for the purpose of sale. Doing so results in the death penalty. The implication of this specific rule is that it is okay for an Israelite to steal and sell a non-Israelite. If that’s not the implication, then why didn’t the text say “person” instead of “Israelite”?
Pay heed to the priests if you want to avoid getting leprosy. Remember the job that the lord did on moses’ sister miriam? Of course we know now that the best way of getting any illness would be to listen to the unscientific ramblings of a priest.
Don’t go into your brother’s place to fetch a pledge that he has made (e.g. as collateral). Wait for someone to return to you the pledge that is owed. If a poor man makes a pledge, return it to him instead of keeping it overnight (e.g. if he has pledged his cloak). This last one seems like an excellent way to make sure that a small loan is never extended to a person down on their luck.
Don’t oppress a hired servant who is poor and make sure he is paid before the sun goes down.
“The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin“. They sort of forgot this one when genocide was committed due to an act of someone in a city, e.g. when the Moabites were wiped out because one or more of them hired balaam to curse the Israelites. Did one of those people doing the hiring have a child or a father who was then put to death?
Don’t deny justice to strangers or people without a father. Also, don’t take a widow’s clothes as a pledge from her.
Anything that fell from a harvest (e.g. wheat, olives or grapes) shall be left on the ground for the stranger, the fatherless and the widow.

Chapter 25 – Even more rules, including: when to marry your brother’s wife, and a wife touching another man’s testicles during a fight.

Nope, not finished with the rules…

Apparently the judges may judge controversies between men when they come in for judgment. If the wicked man is thought worthy to be beaten, he may be given at most forty stripes. Wow. More instruction for control of the masses by the religious ruling classes. Under what rules were people to be judged? Was the punishment for crimes published, e.g. how many stripes for which crimes? Did it have to be a unanimous decision of the judges? Who appoints the judges and who evaluates their performance, e.g. consistency and fairness? Was there an appeals process? Was there representation for the accused?
An ox can’t be muzzled while it’s treading the corn. In other words, it’s entitled to have a bit to eat while working. This one is very interesting because it really couldn’t be any simpler in terms of a direct instruction. However, despite there being nothing metaphorical about it, the people who invented the new testament (1 corinthians 9) decided to extend this “metaphor” to mean that those who spread the gospels are entitled to be compensated via financial support from the community.
If brothers dwell together and one dies, then the remaining brother shall take the widow as his wife. It doesn’t say what happens if the remaining brother already has a wife. Of course the woman has no say in it. Fun fact: there isn’t a single consensual marriage in the entire old or new testaments. When the widow then bears a son, it shall succeed in the name of the dead brother. This is apparently so that the “name be not put out of Israel”.
The previous rule gets a lot stranger if the remaining brother doesn’t want to take the widow as his wife, then the widow, in the presence of the elders, should take off the brother’s shoe and spit in his face. Apparently this is because the remaining brother didn’t want to “build up his brother’s house”. This nonsense makes a smidgen more sense if “brothers” means “someone else in the tribe”, but it’s still ridiculous.
Speaking of ridiculous: if a woman, in the act of defending her husband in a fight with another man, accidentally touches the genitals of the attacker, then … the woman shall have her hand cut off. What? Ask yourself who is going to judge that the touch happened? The guy having a fight with the husband? So if the husband were to kick his ass, all he has to do is go to the elders and state that the woman touched his junk, and hey presto: one hand fewer around the home. Hey fundies: is this really the word of the omniscient creator of the universe, or is it the power-crazed ramblings of superstitious and ignorant iron-age men?
In business, only honest weights and measures shall be used. Well, duh.

Finally, the chapter has a reminder as to how the lord managed to wipe out amalek (exodus 17) and how that should serve as a reminder as to how great the lord is and why all these rules should be followed.

Chapter 26 – When to give tithes to the levites, and thanks and adulation to god.

A more descriptive rule starts this chapter because apparently a basket of first fruits (of each harvest) has to be offered to the lord with an effusive thank-you speech concerning the Israelites’ delivery from Egypt. Every third year, an extra tithe was to be given to the levites, the stranger, the fatherless and the widow – all based on the knowledge that the lord has done a whole heap (including genocide) to deliver everyone to a land of milk and honey. Apparently, as part of the thanks, it is important to verbally affirm that donations have been made to those less fortunate, and that nothing has been eaten during mourning, nor any unclean thing used, nor the dead worshiped. It’s also important to affirm that the lord’s commandments, statues and judgments will be kept. For all this affirmation, the lord promises to make the Israelites “high above all nations” and “an holy people unto the lord“.

The text is interesting in that it takes a stab at the lord’s location: “look down from thy holy habitation, from heaven“. So he’s up there, is he?

Does it seem reasonable that an omniscient creator of a universe would seek ongoing affirmation and adulation from his creation? Imagine programming a simulation on a computer in which figures on the screen are made to revere and honor the programmer on a regular basis, and if they don’t provide that positive feedback they get destroyed? Weird, right?

Chapter 27 – Cursed be those who don’t follow the … eleven commandments.

There’s a sense that the book is about to change, however before that we clearly need another reminder of rules; well, some sort of unusual subset of them. To cut to the chase, this chapter is about the all-important “11 commandments” for the chosen people.

The text gives instruction that laws were to be written on rocks covered with “plaister” (a substance probably made from lime, sand, chalk and water). Upon the rocks “thou shalt write upon them all the words of this law“. What’s not clear is whether the “law” was the ten commandments given previously or the list that was going to be used later in the chapter? An altar was to be built on mount Ebal and there the people were to make peace offerings and burnt offerings to the lord. Of course nothing works properly without killing something.

The Israelites were then to be divided into two groups. The tribes of reuben, gad, asher, zebulun, dan and naphtali were to stand on mount Ebal to offer the threat of curses to the people (for disobedient behavior), and the tribes of simeon, levi, judah, issachar, joseph and benjamin were to stand on mount Gerizim to offer blessings to the people (for obedient behavior). In the absence of amplification or broadcasting equipment, how those words were to be heard by “all the men of Israel” is “explained” by the instruction “with a loud voice“.

The following is the list that was to be stated, very loudly, from the mountains. If the same list was to be said on both mountains, how was one mountain a source of blessings and the other a source of curses? All of the following begin with “Cursed be he that …” and end with “…and all the people shall say, amen“:

…maketh any graven or molten image…
…setteth light by his father or his mother…
…remove your neighbor’s landmark…
…make the blind to wander out of the way…
…perverteth the judgment of the stranger, fatherless, and widow…
…lieth with your father’s wife because that would uncovereth your father’s skirt…
…lieth with any manner of beast…
…lieth with your sister, the daughter of your father, or the daughter of your mother…
…lieth with your mother in law…
…smiteth your neighbor secretly…
…taketh reward to slay an innocent person…
…confirmeth not all the words of this law to do them…

It’s noteworthy that the above list is not the same as the all-important “ten commandments”. There are eleven rules in the above list, and a 12th rule that just states that the other eleven better be confirmed.

Wow, 36% of the rules were to do with unusual sexual practices. I guess we now know what tempted the “chosen people” if such rules had to be explicitly stated? If we’re going down the path of who or what shouldn’t be lieth with, what happened to homosexuality or a cousin or a child? And what happened to “thou shalt not kill”? All the above list states is that it’s wrong to be paid to murder an innocent person, and therefore there was no prohibition on being paid to murder someone thought not to be innocent – however that could be defined.

Where’s the rule about remembering the sabbath? Where’s the rule about not committing adultery? What about not stealing? What about not believing in other gods (which you can still do even if you don’t make a graven or molten image)? What about not taking the lord’s name in vain? What about not coveting? What about not lying? And of course, there’s still nothing about the downsides of slavery, racism, bigotry, misogyny, usury, insider trading or pirating DVDs, etc.

So what gives with the variation from the ten commandments? Weren’t those ten perfect in their intention and governance? Fundies who want the “ten” displayed in classrooms and public spaces would have you believe that they were handed down from god and are therefore perfect. And it’s not about implicitly taking this set with the relevant previous set(s) of laws and commandments. This set was specifically formulated to herald the people’s delivery to the promised land. It’s special and should not have missed the important stuff from the past. That could have been handled by inserting an initial rule in the above list of “Cursed be he that doesn’t follow every rule previously stated in all of the texts”. But, nope.

It’s starting to look like this book was written by men who either weren’t that well versed with the previous books, or who had different outcomes in mind for the people they were attempting to control. So these are not the words of an omniscient god then? If that’s the case, then which other words in the various books aren’t the words of your god?

Chapter 28 – Blessings for those that do, and (so many) curses for those that don’t.

The lord then confirms the following blessings for people who observe all of the commandments (whichever set that should be):

Blessed shalt thou be in the city and the field.
Blessed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy ground, and the fruit of thy cattle, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.
Blessed shall be thy basket and thy store.
Blessed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and blessed shalt thou be when thou goest out.
Thine enemies that rise up against thee shall be smitten (to seven different directions!).
Blessed in thy storehouses and in anything thou settest thine hand unto.
Plenteous in goods, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy cattle, and in the fruit of thy ground.
Give the rain unto thy land in his season, and to bless all the work of thine hand: and thou shalt lend unto many nations, and thou shalt not borrow. At the time of writing, Israel’s national debt was over US $330 billion (which is pushing 70% of its GDP). Just sayin’.
Make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath.

By following the laws, all the people of the earth shall see that these 0.2% shall be the “chosen” and holy people and shall be afraid of them. Yep, that’s what you want to achieve if you are the omniscient creator of the universe – a planet where 99.8% of the population are afraid of 0.2% of the population.

However, if the commandments and statues are not to be followed, e.g. by going “after other gods to serve them“, the people would suffer curses. So many curses:

Cursed shalt thou be in the city, and cursed shalt thou be in the field.
Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store.
Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy land, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.
Cursed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out. In and out of what? (Stop sniggering.)
Cursing, vexation, and rebuke, in all that thou settest thine hand unto for to do, until thou be destroyed.
Pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it.
Smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish. It’s interesting that the only parts of this list that do still happen today can be addressed via a visit to the drug store.
The heaven that is over thy head shall be brass, and the earth that is under thee shall be iron. What?
The rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed.
Thee shall be smitten before thine enemies: thou shalt go out one way against them, and flee seven ways before them: and shalt be removed into all the kingdoms of the earth.
Thy carcase shall be meat unto all fowls of the air, and unto the beasts of the earth, and no man shall fray them away.
The lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.
The lord shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart.
Thou shalt grope at noonday, as the blind gropeth in darkness, and thou shalt not prosper in thy ways: and thou shalt be only oppressed and spoiled evermore, and no man shall save thee.
Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build an house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof. Now it’s getting nasty.
Thine ox shall be slain before thine eyes, and thou shalt not eat thereof: thine ass shall be violently taken away from before thy face, and shall not be restored to thee: thy sheep shall be given unto thine enemies, and thou shalt have none to rescue them.
Thy sons and thy daughters shall be given unto another people, and thine eyes shall look, and fail with longing for them all the day long; and there shall be no might in thine hand.
The fruit of thy land, and all thy labors, shall a nation which thou knowest not eat up; and thou shalt be only oppressed and crushed alway.
So that thou shalt be mad for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.
The lord shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head.
The lord shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, wood and stone. Another part of the text where god believes that there are other gods.
Thou shalt become an astonishment, a proverb, and a byword, among all nations whither the lord shall lead thee.
Thou shalt carry much seed out into the field, and shalt gather but little in; for the locust shall consume it.
Thou shalt plant vineyards, and dress them, but shalt neither drink of the wine, nor gather the grapes; for the worms shall eat them.
Thou shalt have olive trees throughout all thy coasts, but thou shalt not anoint thyself with the oil; for thine olive shall cast his fruit.
Thou shalt beget sons and daughters, but thou shalt not enjoy them; for they shall go into captivity.
All thy trees and fruit of thy land shall the locust consume.
The stranger that is within thee shall get up above thee very high; and thou shalt come down very low.
He shall lend to thee, and thou shalt not lend to him: he shall be the head, and thou shalt be the tail.
Thou serve thine enemies which the lord shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee.

Then there’s an extended curse about an enemy who will attack, set siege, and eventually force people to become cannibals:

The lord shall bring a nation against thee from far, from the end of the earth, as swift as the eagle flieth; a nation whose tongue thou shalt not understand. A nation of fierce countenance, which shall not regard the person of the old, nor shew favour to the young. And he shall eat the fruit of thy cattle, and the fruit of thy land, until thou be destroyed: which also shall not leave thee either corn, wine, or oil, or the increase of thy kine, or flocks of thy sheep, until he have destroyed thee. And he shall besiege thee in all thy gates, until thy high and fenced walls come down, wherein thou trustedst, throughout all thy land: and he shall besiege thee in all thy gates throughout all thy land. And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee. So that the man that is tender among you, and very delicate, his eye shall be evil toward his brother, and toward the wife of his bosom, and toward the remnant of his children which he shall leave. The tender and delicate woman among you, which would not adventure to set the sole of her foot upon the ground for delicateness and tenderness, her eye shall be evil toward the husband of her bosom, and toward her son, and toward her daughter. And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them for want of all things secretly in the siege and straitness.

Then it’s back to the regular curses:

Make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance.
Bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee.
Every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the lord bring upon thee, until thou be destroyed.
Ye shall be left few in number, whereas ye were as the stars of heaven for multitude; because thou wouldest not obey the voice of the lord. Once again noting that it’s only possible to see about 9,000 stars with the naked eye from all locations on Earth. The text itself gives there to be about 200 times more Israelites than that.
Shall scatter thee among all people, from the one end of the earth even unto the other; and there thou shalt serve other gods, which neither thou nor thy fathers have known, even wood and stone. There we go again with the lord believing that there are other gods.
Among these nations shalt thou find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest: but the lord shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind.
Thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life.
In the morning thou shalt say, Would god it were even! and at even thou shalt say, would god it were morning! for the fear of thine heart wherewith thou shalt fear, and for the sight of thine eyes which thou shalt see.
And the lord shall bring thee into Egypt again with ships, by the way whereof I spake unto thee, Thou shalt see it no more again: and there ye shall be sold unto your enemies for bondmen and bondwomen, and no man shall buy you.

This is called the “carrot and the stick” approach (blessings and curses). The list of curses is pretty comprehensive however it doesn’t stop fundies today from breaking any or all of the stated laws. Perhaps they don’t really believe in all the cursing stuff?

Of course the list is only specific about the things known of at the time. There’s no specific mention of things like cancers or heart attacks or strokes – which would have been a wonderful addition to the curses had the omniscient creator of the universe known of such things.

Note (and this is a big issue) that nothing in the “bad” list involves eternal suffering and damnation. To those who believe in concepts like hell (e.g the Catholics), why does such an extensive list of curses and suffering not mention hell or eternal suffering and damnation? Those are surely the worst outcomes for those who don’t follow the rules and commandments of god, but they are not in the list! The guys writing down the “word of god” didn’t get the memo for this chapter about the existence of such concepts. Had god not invented hell at that stage?

Chapter 29 – god gloats and demands obedience forever. A reminder about curses.

We’re getting closer to something actually happening in the book, but unfortunately there’s more housekeeping first.

The lord then reminds everyone about the covenant made with the Israelites (and their future generations) due to the act of extracting them from slavery in Egypt and delivering them to the promised land. There’s also a reminder about the many battles (that’s genocides to normal people) along the way. Because of all that, apparently it was necessary for people to simply be obedient … forever. Of course that would be obedience to the ruling classes, e.g. the priests.

Despite an excruciating previous chapter, the lord then feels the need to remind everyone about curses, for example “the whole land thereof is brimstone, and salt, and burning, that it is not sown, nor beareth, nor any grass groweth therein, like the overthrow of sodom, and gomorrah, admah, and zeboim, which the lord overthrew in his anger, and in his wrath“. And of course one sure-fire way to suffer the curses was to worship other gods. Again with the other gods? What gods? Where did those other gods come from? Did god create other gods?

Chapter 30 – god circumcises hearts. god commands people to love him, or else.

Again the lord feels the need to remind the people about how he extricated them from captivity and returned them to the land of their fathers – where he will “multiply thee above thy fathers“. Then there’s a strange bit about how the lord will “circumcise thine heart” which apparently means that he will remove barriers so that people can love him with all their heart and soul. Is it technically still free will if that’s happening? The lord will also put curses on enemies and on those that hate and persecute his chosen people – but only if people obey his commandments.

Then there’s another reminder about the benefits: “the lord thy God will make thee plenteous in every work of thine hand, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy cattle, and in the fruit of thy land“. Did the authors not believe that people had read the previous chapters? The lord then reminds the people that the commandments are in front of them; not up in heaven, not hidden and definitely not far away. Good to know.

Then it gets creepy because the lord says: “I command thee this day to love the lord thy god“. Really? The omniscient creator of the universe needs people on Earth to love him – by commandment? And if people decide not to follow the commandments they “shall surely perish“. In fact, on that day, people got to choose between life and death, blessing and curing.

Honestly, it’s being laid on with a trowel at this point.

Chapter 31 – moses gets to be 120 years old. moses writes out the law. moses hands the leadership baton to joshua.

We’re now over 85% of the way through the book and this is the first chapter that makes an attempt to progress the story. Well, sort of…

It starts with moses announcing to the people that he was now 120 years old. That gives you a pretty good idea about why these books should be taken to be the fictional works that they are. For a start, it turns out that moses would have been the best part of 80 at the time the Israelites left Egypt (to go a wandering in the wilderness for 40 years). Does that sound likely? And 10 years earlier (from the time of this chapter), when they were definitely wandering in the wilderness, he would have been 110 years old. Does that sound likely? The oldest verified age that we have for a human is 122 and she (Jeanne Calment) died in 1997. The next oldest verified age for a human is 119 and he (Kane Tanaka) died in 2022. Those people would have had access to pretty good health care and to lots of information about what constitutes a good diet and lifestyle – things people at the time moses was supposed to have lived definitely did not have. The age invented for moses – 120 years old – is nothing but a nice round bit of legendary embellishment designed to impress the reader, and therefore not the word of the omniscient creator of the universe.

Unfortunately for moses the lord has told him that he’s not going to enter the promised land. On the plus side, moses assures all that the lord was going into the promised land and “destroy these nations from before thee and thou shalt possess them,” just as he did to sihon and to og. Great, another bit of genocide. Then moses called joshua to the starting line to let him know that he was going into the promised land as the leader of the Israelites.

After moses wrote out the law (which must have taken a while based on how much had been revealed in the previous three books), he delivered it to the priests (the levites) and commanded them to read the lot to the people every seven years (at the feast of tabernacles). This of course was necessary to ensure that the next lot of children could be brainwashed into the cult.

The lord then asked moses and joshua to present themselves at the tabernacle – which they did. The lord did his appear-as-a-pillar-of-cloud trick and stood at the door of the tabernacle. It turns out that he was super worried that, in moses’ absence, the people would turn to whoring and worshiping other gods (again with the other gods; which gods?), so he taught moses a song that could be used to remind the people about their need to worship the main man (himself). That same (real) god then passed the baton from moses to joshua (in terms of the next stage of everyone’s travels).

A few more laws must have occurred to moses because he finished up writing them in a book that was then placed in the ark of the covenant “that it may be there for a witness against thee“. Still, moses wasn’t confident in the people because he asked for the elders of the tribes to be brought before him. Because he believed that the people would “utterly corrupt” themselves in his absence, he decided to “spake in the ears of all the congregation of Israel” his little song…

Chapter 32 – moses’ “song”.

Not to detract too much from moses’ song, but exactly how did he spake to all the congregation when that numbered the best part of two million people?

Unfortunately, there are 43 verses in the “song”. Or perhaps it should more rightly be called a (sort of) poem since the omniscient creator of the universe didn’t find a way to let future generations know of an accompanying melody. Not sure you want it, but here it is:

Give ear, O ye heavens, and I will speak; and hear, O earth, the words of my mouth.
My doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil as the dew, as the small rain upon the tender herb, and as the showers upon the grass:
Because I will publish the name of the lord: ascribe ye greatness unto our god.
He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a god of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he.
They have corrupted themselves, their spot is not the spot of his children: they are a perverse and crooked generation.
Do ye thus requite the lord, O foolish people and unwise? is not he thy father that hath bought thee? hath he not made thee, and established thee?
Remember the days of old, consider the years of many generations: ask thy father, and he will shew thee; thy elders, and they will tell thee.
When the Most High divided to the nations their inheritance, when he separated the sons of Adam, he set the bounds of the people according to the number of the children of Israel.
For the lord’s portion is his people; jacob is the lot of his inheritance.
He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.
As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings:
So the lord alone did lead him, and there was no strange god with him.
He made him ride on the high places of the earth, that he might eat the increase of the fields; and he made him to suck honey out of the rock, and oil out of the flinty rock;
Butter of kine, and milk of sheep, with fat of lambs, and rams of the breed of bashan, and goats, with the fat of kidneys of wheat; and thou didst drink the pure blood of the grape.
But jeshurun waxed fat, and kicked: thou art waxen fat, thou art grown thick, thou art covered with fatness; then he forsook god which made him, and lightly esteemed the Rock of his salvation.
They provoked him to jealousy with strange gods, with abominations provoked they him to anger.
They sacrificed unto devils, not to god; to gods whom they knew not, to new gods that came newly up, whom your fathers feared not.
Of the Rock that begat thee thou art unmindful, and hast forgotten god that formed thee.
And when the lord saw it, he abhorred them, because of the provoking of his sons, and of his daughters.
And he said, I will hide my face from them, I will see what their end shall be: for they are a very froward generation, children in whom is no faith.
They have moved me to jealousy with that which is not god; they have provoked me to anger with their vanities: and I will move them to jealousy with those which are not a people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation.
For a fire is kindled in mine anger, and shall burn unto the lowest hell, and shall consume the earth with her increase, and set on fire the foundations of the mountains.
I will heap mischiefs upon them; I will spend mine arrows upon them.
They shall be burnt with hunger, and devoured with burning heat, and with bitter destruction: I will also send the teeth of beasts upon them, with the poison of serpents of the dust.
The sword without, and terror within, shall destroy both the young man and the virgin, the suckling also with the man of gray hairs.
I said, I would scatter them into corners, I would make the remembrance of them to cease from among men:
Were it not that I feared the wrath of the enemy, lest their adversaries should behave themselves strangely, and lest they should say, Our hand is high, and the lord hath not done all this.
For they are a nation void of counsel, neither is there any understanding in them.
O that they were wise, that they understood this, that they would consider their latter end!
How should one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight, except their Rock had sold them, and the lord had shut them up?
For their rock is not as our Rock, even our enemies themselves being judges.
For their vine is of the vine of sodom, and of the fields of gomorrah: their grapes are grapes of gall, their clusters are bitter:
Their wine is the poison of dragons, and the cruel venom of asps.
Is not this laid up in store with me, and sealed up among my treasures?
To me belongeth vengeance and recompence; their foot shall slide in due time: for the day of their calamity is at hand, and the things that shall come upon them make haste.
For the lord shall judge his people, and repent himself for his servants, when he seeth that their power is gone, and there is none shut up, or left.
And he shall say, Where are their gods, their rock in whom they trusted,
Which did eat the fat of their sacrifices, and drank the wine of their drink offerings? let them rise up and help you, and be your protection.
See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand.
For I lift up my hand to heaven, and say, I live for ever.
If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me.
I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh; and that with the blood of the slain and of the captives, from the beginning of revenges upon the enemy.
Rejoice, O ye nations, with his people: for he will avenge the blood of his servants, and will render vengeance to his adversaries, and will be merciful unto his land, and to his people.

Exactly how the people were supposed to memorize all of that, is anyone’s guess? Especially the ones literally miles away at the back?

The “song” was basically a highlights reel for the previous three books. There is a case for replacing the previous three books with just this song (plus maybe a little bit to do with the importance of killing things on the northward side of the altar – leviticus, chapter 1). At least that would have saved some trees over the past several hundreds of years.

It was getting close to quittin’ time for moses because the lord commanded him to climb “this mountain abarim, unto mount nebo“. For those who skipped ahead in this story, moses was destined to die because he decided to hit a rock (twice) to produce water instead of simply speaking to it, as ordered (in the book of numbers, chapter 20). Yep, despite doing a heap of loyal stuff, that’s the one thing that was important to the omniscient creator of the universe. And here’s the kicker, the lord wanted moses to climb the mountain so that he could have a view of the promised land that he could never enter. Sane behavior from an “almighty” being? Nah.

Also, where were moses’ mates? The almighty had been talked out of so many things by mere mortals since they’d left Egypt that you’d think one of moses’ friends might have had a go at speaking up for him? Sadly, no.

Chapter 33 – moses dishes out blessings for god and the tribes.

One last duty for moses was to dish out a heap of blessings. Firstly one for the lord and then for the tribes:

For the lord: with moses pointing out that the lord rose up from mount seir, shined from mount paran, and “he came with 10,000 saints: from his right hand went a fiery law for them” but because the people loved god so much, they shall sit at his feet and receive the law. He was in fact, the king of the people.
For reuben: “live, and not die; and let not his men be few“. Does anyone know how the “not die” part worked out for them?
For judah: “bring him unto his people: let his hands be sufficient for him; and be thou an help to him from his enemies“.
For levi: it boils down to them being good at being priests, i.e. at dishing out the law, using incense and burning things for sacrifice.
For benjamin: “the beloved of the lord shall dwell in safety by him; and the Lord shall cover him all the day long, and he shall dwell between his shoulders“. Does it seem that the blessings were already getting pretty bland?
For joseph (ephraim and manasseh): “Blessed of the lord be his land, for the precious things of heaven, for the dew, and for the deep that coucheth beneath, and for the precious fruits brought forth by the sun, and for the precious things put forth by the moon, and for the chief things of the ancient mountains, and for the precious things of the lasting hills, and for the precious things of the earth and fulness thereof, and for the good will of him that dwelt in the bush: let the blessing come upon the head of Joseph, and upon the top of the head of him that was separated from his brethren. His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of ephraim, and they are the thousands of manasseh“. Wow, sort of puts the benjamin tribe in the shade. And exactly what previous things are put forth by the moon?
For zebulun and issachar: “Rejoice, zebulun, in thy going out; and, Issachar, in thy tents. They shall call the people unto the mountain; there they shall offer sacrifices of righteousness: for they shall suck of the abundance of the seas, and of treasures hid in the sand“.
For gad: “Blessed be he that enlargeth gad: he dwelleth as a lion, and teareth the arm with the crown of the head. And he provided the first part for himself, because there, in a portion of the lawgiver, was he seated; and he came with the heads of the people, he executed the justice of the lord, and his judgments with Israel“.
For dan: “dan is a lion’s whelp: he shall leap from bashan“. Riiiiiight.
For naphtali: “satisfied with favour, and full with the blessing of the LORD: possess thou the west and the south“. Finally, something concrete and of value.
For asher: “Let asher be blessed with children; let him be acceptable to his brethren, and let him dip his foot in oil. Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as thy days, so shall thy strength be“.

Finally there’s another effusive outpouring for the lord who is now being called the “god of jeshurun“. Apparently he “rideth upon the heaven in thy help, and in his excellency on the sky“. Israel could now dwell in safety alone because the lord was their refuge and shall thrust out and destroy their enemies. More practically, it seemed that under the direction of jacob, there would be lots of “corn and wine and the heavens shall drop down dew“.

And moses wraps it up with: “Happy art thou, O Israel: who is like unto thee, O people saved by the lord, the shield of thy help, and who is the sword of thy excellency! and thine enemies shall be found liars unto thee; and thou shalt tread upon their high places“.

What happened to the poor lads in the tribe of simeon? No blessing for you guys. Looks like the cursing of simeon by jacob (genesis 49:5-7) was taken seriously (despite the Levi tribe surviving it). Notice how it’s always black-and-white in these matters?

Chapter 34 – moses (at 120) climbs a mountain and dies on god’s command.

And so, finally, moses went up from the plains of moab unto the mountain of nebo, to the top of pisgah, that is over against Jericho. And the lord shewed him all the land that the Israelites had been given and then really rubbed it in with “I have caused thee to see it with thine eyes, but thou shalt not go over thither. So moses the servant of the lord died there in the land of moab, according to the word of the lord“.

Really, a 120-year-old doing some mountain climbing? And 120-year-old guys don’t climb a mountain to die; they climb a mountain to be killed by the omniscient creator of the universe to make for a better story. What’s one more murder at this stage?

The problem with the final seven verses of the chapter is that they couldn’t, by definition, have been written by moses. The people who claim that moses wrote the Pentateuch have some explaining to do. (See also the related issue raised by genesis, chapter 13.)

Whoever did write it then claimed that moses was buried “in a valley in the land of moab, over against bethpeor, but no man knoweth of his sepulchre unto this day“. Of course. We have no idea where any of the best part of two million people died in the wilderness during the 40 years, so why should moses be an exception when it comes to unknown location?

Despite being 120, it seems that moses’ eyes weren’t dim, nor his natural force abated. His departure caused the people to weep for 30 days. Before exit, moses had laid his hands on joshua (son of ~~none~~ nun) and that had caused joshua to be full of wisdom. For this reason, the people hearkened unto him (joshua). Transfer of wisdom through hands is magic.

In fact, moses was so good at his job that “there arose not a prophet since in Israel … whom the lord knew face to face“. Well, other than micaiah, job, david, isaiah, ezekiel and amos. One suspects that the author(s) of deuteronomy were just gushing forth at this point.

And finally: “In all the signs and the wonders, which the lord sent him to do in the land of Egypt to Pharaoh, and to all his servants, and to all his land, and in all that mighty hand, and in all the great terror which moses shewed in the sight of all Israel“.

Guess that “terror” refers to the feelings of the women, children, men, elderly and babies that moses ordered killed when the Israelites committed genocide on the midianites (book of numbers, chapter 31)?

There’s no getting around the fact that moses was a horrible person. Good thing he wasn’t real.

Thoughts

Well, that’s it for the pentateuch.

Archaeological evidence suggests that the population of Canaan was very much less than the number of Israelites that the texts state moved in there. At best, the number of people living in Canaan would have been in the low hundreds of thousands – which is about one sixth the number of Israelites that the text says invaded those “promised” lands.

However if you decide that it is better to lower the numbers given in the censuses, then you are buying into other problems. For example, is the text the word of god or not? If not, then which other bits are also not the word of god? Also, if the Israelite numbers were a lot lower, then it is even more incredulous that they could have simply invaded and killed (with 100% effectiveness and no stated casualties of their own) the soldiers of dozens of cities. And that’s especially a problem since the people were always whinging about the lack of food and water, let alone the lack of a means of production of the required instruments of war.

It’s also worth remembering that not a single rule or law in the entire text is given an explanation that makes sense, let alone has some sort of factual or scientific basis recognized today. Everything is just: “do it because I say so”. And that’s exactly what would be expected based on the text having been written by ignorant and superstitious iron-age men.

It’s also interesting to remember that the first five books (the pentateuch) are common to Christians, Muslims and Jews, therefore exactly how the first two of those groups feel about the omniscient creator of the universe stating that they aren’t his favorite people, is curious. In fact, since only 0.2% of the population identifies as Jewish, that means that 99.8% of the world’s population – about 8,200,000,000 humans – are not the favorite people of the omniscient creator of the universe (the one that supposedly created two trillion galaxies in a day). Really? Why? The concept of “favorite” is such an obvious invention of ignorant and superstitious iron-age men that it’s laughable to lend it any credence. And yet, here are books being used to create entire belief systems based on such nonsense.

The style of the book is different in that it (largely) avoids the supernatural elements of the previous books. For example, there’s no killing and blighting people on a whim. And apart from a very little bit of the lord-as-a-cloud, there isn’t much magic in the book. It seems that the authors tried to tone it down a notch and just focus on the bits important for the control of the masses.

Note that there is no concept in the text of hell or of suffering in purgatory for sins or transgressions. Instead, it’s clear that the lord simply destroys things that ignite his displeasure. Why wouldn’t the first five books that underpin the texts of today’s religions made the slightest mention of eternal suffering as punishment? Could that be because there was no such concept at the time? Well that’s a bit strange, isn’t it? If the texts were written by an omniscient being, then surely that being knew what was coming up and have included similar concepts in the first five books? Nope.

It’s clear from these texts that adherence to the laws was to be expected based on the good things that had been done for the people (e.g. release from slavery, destruction of enemies, and delivery unto a promised land of “milk and honey”), not for the threat of punishment to come … for all eternity. The concept of eternal damnation is clearly a control mechanism that was tacked on later – probably because time started to separate people from the benefits and relevance of the (clearly fictional) events in the first five books. How can things be tacked onto the writings of an omniscient creator of the universe? If you think about that carefully, all else collapses.

The books are fundamentally how-to manuals for the subjugation and control of the masses by the ruling classes. They are most definitely not historical documents because there is zero credible evidence supporting the slightest bit of any of them.

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